get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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