i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Pants are for mortals
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize