Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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