she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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