I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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