i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
