And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
