Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
