Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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