You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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