Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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