my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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