I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Randomize