I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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