im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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