I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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