Sponge bath it is.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
