that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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