who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
