Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
