Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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