We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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