i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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