I wish I could punch you in the face.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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