it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
