I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
