I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
