I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
