So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
