this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
What drink are we having for lunch?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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