He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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