just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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