no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
