im holly from the hills drunk
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
