I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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