Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize
