i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
