she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
