There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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