Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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