Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize