the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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