The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
