He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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