I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
