I just gift wrapped bread.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize