hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
