i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
