They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
