The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
