before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize