I wanna bring you to show and tell
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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