she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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