Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
