Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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