i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
