hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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