It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
