Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
