I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
