Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
