I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
