I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
