Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
