wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
