I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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