I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
